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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27981234">Hold me to the stars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_nootje/pseuds/Random_nootje'>Random_nootje</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, M/M, wolfstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:36:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,232</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27981234</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_nootje/pseuds/Random_nootje</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius Black and Remus Lupin slowly fall in love?<br/>Takes places at their 5th/6th year. </p><p>Wierd High school/college/muggle AU.<br/>Some angst, trigger warning for Abuse and some slight Homophobia. </p><p>English isn't my first language. So please correct my mistakes. It's also my first book/thing in English.<br/>Also, I don't support J.K. Rowling! </p><p>(Oh, and if anyone is better at writhing summary, please hit me up)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black &amp; Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius's head pounded. His arm felt thick and throbbing, His back hurt. More than it was supposed to, more than after most fights with his parents. Although, the word fight made it seem like both parties were in on the violence. <br/>In his mind, he tried to trace the patterns his back. The new red ones struck out against the silvery mess that was already there. The cold shower didn't help. His wet hair stuck to his face, the faint taste of blood still in his mouth, his eyes not meeting the ones in the mirror and his mind unavoidably trailing back to earlier this night. </p><p>Sirius had been was drunk, not as drunk as he would later convince himself he was but drunk enough to do what he did. Drunk to make irreversible mistakes.</p><p>He was at another stupid event his parents dragged him to. Too many people who are convinced they are better than the rest of the world. <br/>The whole night had been a total drag, the fake smiles. The way his parents carefully avoided the topic that Sirius was in Gryffindor. <br/>The way he had to sit there and listen to the worst that could be said, it made him sick. <br/>That was probably -no definitely- the reason he had been stealing the too fancy, too overpriced champagne the servants had been passing around all evening. </p><p>The only thing that made this night better, or maybe worse, was the ridiculously hot servant that had been eyeing him the whole night. <br/>Sirius had tried to ignore him, but the lack of better entertainment made it awfully hard. </p><p>He and his brother had positioned themself at the edge of the whole phenomenon, just outside the fire line of questions. <br/>The glass he took from a tray a few seconds ago was already empty. Sirius stared at it, wondering how much more he had to take to forget the whole night. <br/>The heat from the living room and the people suddenly seemed too cramped. </p><p>'I'm just gonna get-,' he said to Regulus while he nodded to the entrance of the mansion that led to the enormous back garden. </p><p>Reg gave him a stern nod, and Sirius gave him a drunken smile in response. <br/>Sirius's feet dragged over the tile floor that led to a pond with a little wooden bridge above it. He found himself having a little bit of trouble walking in a straight line. He expected there to be a lot more people here. Instead, he seemed to be the only one in the entirety of the garden. The cold wind blew through his hair. He felt the chill of the night as he faced the moon, the warmth of the alcohol spreading through his limbs. His eyes followed the pair of swans swimming in the pond. </p><p>'Did you also need a break?' The voice next to him asked. <br/>To Sirius's surprise, he discovered the cute servant standing next to him. The boy looked a bit nervous, a small smile played around his lips. Sirius would never say it out loud, but he found it cuter when boys did that. The shy smiles, whenever girls did that, he found it overly flirtatious. At the same time, a lot of things girls did he found overly flirtatious, maybe that was just how girls flirted.</p><p>'Yeah, I guess.' he smiled back.</p><p>In the silence between you could almost hear the static between the two boys. The whole night they had spent staring at each other. Of course, Sirius expected nothing of it. He was just looking at him because the boy looked the same age as him. They both were boys. He just wanted to be friends. And by the way, Sirius was straight. </p><p> </p><p>'Did you know swans are one of the few animals that bond for life?' The boy's eyes following the swans while he said it. </p><p>'Do all the hot boys go here to get some fresh hair.' <br/>It left his mouth before he even knew it. He wanted to answer with 'No, I didn't know that. Why did you bring that up?'. But no, apparently that was too hard. </p><p>Sirius was positive he had scared the boy away. He always did that when he had a little too much liquor. Sirius forgot (or didn't want to remember) that it was wrong to flirt with boys. He liked it better when it was boys, and he blamed the liquor. To his surprise, the boy's shy smile turned into a wide grin. A feeling Sirius did not want to feel stirred inside his stomach. </p><p>'Did you just call yourself hot?' The boy asked. </p><p>'Did you missed the part where I also called you hot?' Sirius laughed.</p><p>The boy stepped a little closer.<br/>'I'm Luke.' </p><p>Sirius could see the dark brown eyes had a mischievous glimmer; he often saw in his friends James's eyes. Their lips were not more than a few centimetres apart, and Sirius could feel the warmth of the boy's breath on his skin when the boy spoke the words.  </p><p>'I'm Sirius.' and before his slowed down drunk brain could process what was happing, Luke’s lips were on his. He could taste Luke, feel his arms wrap around him. Sirius pulled his fingers through the other boy's hair. This was different from kissing girls. Better. Girls often were wait-and-see, while Luke just took control.<br/>Sirius liked it; he enjoyed the kiss. Usually, he just wanted it to be over. Now, he just leaned in a bit more into the kiss. </p><p>Sirius breaks himself free from the memory, now filled with shame. Hate. It was his mother who found the two boys kissing. He had never seen her so silent, so composed. The artificial calm his parents held, disappeared the moment they entered the living room. </p><p>His legs felt too heavy when he dragged his broken body to his bed. He knew his arm was broken; his collarbone had felt the same way two years ago. From a first aid class he had forced Peter to go with him because he didn't want to be alone at that class, he had some basic knowledge of what to do now. At the time he claimed it was to pick up girls because birds would be interested in that kind of stuff, but in the back of his mind, he knew he had to one day used the information. </p><p>The first step was to see if the arm is bleeding or if there is a bone sticking out. That wasn't the case. </p><p>Step two cool the arm with ice. That was not going to happen, there was no way he could go downstairs. His parents were still in the kitchen. <br/>Step three immobilize the arm. That he could do. <br/>Trying to move his arm as little as possible, he made his way to his drawer. Most of his stuff he left at Hogwarts for the summer, but this drawer doesn't even go to Hogwarts. With his one arm that was working, he opened the drawer. </p><p>A whole collection of band-aids, bandages, first-aid tape, and aspirins appeared. Sirius took the first-aid tape and an old spiderman ruler he still had. One of the first things in this house with a pop-culture reference. He took the ruler and taped it to his arm with the tape, as careful as he could. He took the glass of water that was still on his nightstand and swallowed to aspirin.<br/>He would go to the ER the first thing in the morning after their parents left for their trip.</p><p>Sirius slowly made his way to his bed. The only way his back didn't hurt as much, was when he laid flat on his stomach. His arm he held above his head, one of the other procedures to do when you break your arm.</p><p>The words of his parents still swinging around his head. </p><p>'We tried so hard for you. We did everything we could for you. Where did we go wrong?'  <br/>'We tried so hard to protect you. To make you a suitable heir. Échec'<br/>'Why can't you be more like Regulus?'</p><p> </p><p>It was around five in the morning when Sirius left his bed (his back still hurts). He didn't really sleep. Not that he usually slept much, but this night he felt like he didn't even blink. <br/>He tried to be as silent as possible as he put on his clothes. The thick black fabric felt heavy on his shoulders. The way it pressed against his back made him want to scream. </p><p>He knew his parents were on their way to France, his great Uncle had bought a vacation home there. How much he hoped they would stay there forever. Or even better, that their plane would crash on the way there. He sighed as he grasped the home key, for a second Sirius searched for his phone, then he remembered Mother took it from him yesterday. <br/>He wondered if he should tell Reg where he was going but decided against it at the last moment. He closed the door behind him and walked the familiar route to the Hospital.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>James had had a horrible holiday. Okay, that was a lie. The first few weeks actually were pretty promising. They went to India to visit some distance family members; James had a good time. It was always pleasing to catch-up with his family. Seeing his mother so happy to be home again. Though she would always insist that London was just as much as a home as India was. </p><p> </p><p>The last three weeks were a totally different story. The main reason was Sirius, his best friend. Who decided the middle of the holidays were a perfect time to disappeared from the face of the earth. James had spent those three weeks almost unhealthy obsessing about him. Sending as many texts as he could possibly manage, and he even DM for something other than sending a meme. </p><p> </p><p>James once again checked his phone to see if any messages from Sirius had appeared. Still no sign of life on the other side of the line. An uncomfortable feeling sunk in his stomach. What if something had happened to Pads in the meantime? What if he died, or worse decided he did not want to be friends with him anymore? He needed a distraction, something to make this feeling bearable. </p><p>James scrolled back to the beginning of the Great Silence as he had duped it. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>James: <em>'Yo pads, are you still stopping by the family house?' </em></p><p>James: <em>'Pads?' </em></p><p>James: <em>'Earth to Padfoot.' </em></p><p>James: <em>'I'm just gonna assume you are doing something more important than I am (how dare you).'</em></p><p>James:<em> 'Sirius?' </em></p><p>James: <em>'Did you see Lily's new Insta post?'</em></p><p>James: <em>'Still no reaction, huh?'</em></p><p>James: <em>'Are you alright? I sent you a SpongeBob meme. You didn't react.' </em></p><p> </p><p>And so, it continued, for three weeks long. James kept sending messages, Sirius kept not replying. It was not unusual for Sirius not to apply to his messages. Sometimes he lost his phone, sometimes his parents took it away, but the longest they had ever gone without talking since they knew each other, had to be not more than a week. James had even texted Remus and Peter to see if Sirius did respond to them. But they also said Sirius had not been in contact with them. </p><p> </p><p>James looked up from his phone to scan the platform where he was waiting for his friends to appear. It was a big platform, named platform 9¾, because the only train that arrived here was the train to the boarding school, Hogwarts. James looked at the heads of the children he went to school with, most he recognized as he had been going to school with them for five years, some looked new.</p><p> </p><p>James's eyes stopped at the gate of the platform because there he was. Sirius. He seemed okay. He was already wearing his school uniform, a black trench coat, but not his school tie. He looked a bit overdressed but other than then that, he looked like he didn't have a trouble in the world, the Bitch. Sirius had spotted him, and he was coming to James with an alarmingly high speed. James suddenly remembered why Sirius was also part of the Football team. Sirius hit his target. </p><p> </p><p>For a while, all James saw was the long black hair of his friend, that seemed to have grown a lot since they last saw each other. All he smelled was Sirius his shampoo. And all he felt were Sirius arms around him. Although something felt weird about it. </p><p>When Sirius let go, James felt the anger of being ignored for the entirety of the holiday stir inside him. James hefted his arm in an attempted to hit him. It was when Sirius raised his arm to defend himself, James noticed the plaster on his arm. </p><p> </p><p>'What has happened?' </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, James forgot all about the plan to give Sirius something so he wouldn't forget James again. To his annoyance, all Sirius did was shrug. </p><p> </p><p>'I broke it. Real bummer.' </p><p> </p><p>'I can see that, but I meant, how did you break it?'</p><p> </p><p>'I fell down the stairs.' </p><p> </p><p>'You fell down the stairs?' </p><p>His unbelief was dripping from his voice. Sirius just shrugged in response. Before James could continue the interrogation, Pete appeared next to them. </p><p> </p><p>'Oi, there you guys are! Remus and I have been looking all around for you. We already have a coupé for us. Remus is keeping-' </p><p> </p><p>But before Peter could finish his sentence, Sirius had pulled him into a hug. </p><p>'Good to see you again, mate.' </p><p> </p><p>Sirius said when he released a bit muffled looking Peter. </p><p> </p><p>'Yeah, good to see you.' James said as he pads Pete on the shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>'What happened to your arm?' </p><p>'I broke it. Now, you said Remus was keeping a coupé free?' </p><p> </p><p>Apparently, for Peter, that was enough of an answer. He signed that they should follow him, and he turned around. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Remus just started to think it might have been a stupid idea. He shouldn't have sent Pete out all alone to find James and Sirius. The thought had just started to form when a familiar-coloured dark blond hair of head entered the coupé. Followed by the unremarkable voice of James and Sirius. </p><p>Not long after that Sirius's arms were wrapped around him. </p><p> </p><p>'Hi,' </p><p> </p><p>Sirius sounded soft; a slight France accent he had never been able to get rid of was still audible. His head rested on his chest just a moment too long before he let go. Remus's heart made a stupid flutter. He could not trust his body, but he had learned that years ago. </p><p> </p><p>'Hi, what happened to your arm.' </p><p>'I broke it.' </p><p> </p><p>Behind Sirius, he saw James roll his eyes, </p><p>'He fell down the stairs.' </p><p> </p><p>None of the boys went further into it. They each took a seat, Peter next to James. Sirius sat next to him. A whistle sounded, on the platform parents rushed to the front to wave their children goodbye before they were gone 'till Christmas. Remus pushed himself a bit closer to the glass, searching for the face of his mother. The hand from James almost hit him in his enthusiastic wave to his parents. Peter stood behind them, trying to see his parents. </p><p> </p><p>'Jeez James, how many times did you text me?' </p><p> </p><p>Sirius sat on the bench, his phone vibrating nonstop in his hand. The three of them focused their attention on his phone. That still hadn't stopped making noise. </p><p> </p><p>'You didn't respond.' James reacted defensively. </p><p> </p><p>'Yeah, I didn't have my phone. My parents took it away.'</p><p> </p><p>'Why did your parents take it away from you?' Remus asked. </p><p> </p><p>He knew he wouldn't get a full answer, probably something along the same lines as "I broke it." </p><p> </p><p>'We had a fight.' Sirius was still staring at his phone. </p><p> </p><p>Remus rolled his eyes, and James shot him a smile.</p><p> </p><p>'354 missed calls, 647 unread messages. You send me 578, James.' </p><p> </p><p>James made a noise that was stuck between a groan and a moan.</p><p> </p><p>'I was worried. I almost wrote you al letter, then I realized I didn't know your address.' </p><p> </p><p>Sirius finally looked up from his phone.  </p><p> </p><p>'Thanks,' he smiled, 'Will you take it personally if I don't read all 578 of the messages. </p><p> </p><p>'Very personally.' </p><p> </p><p>Sirius laughed his bark sounding laugh. </p><p>'Tu es un con' </p><p> </p><p>'Anyone has done something fun this holiday?' </p><p> </p><p>Peter broke the silence that had fallen between them. After that question, it wouldn't be silent between them for along time. James took that as his cue to talk about his holiday to India in great detail. After what felt like a half an hour of James talking about it -It probably was longer, but James was a great storyteller. - Peter started to talk about his holiday. </p><p>When James and Peter got in a discussion over what kind of ice cream was superior (Peter insisted that it was mint chocolate chip, but James seemed to be sure that cookies and cream were the best.), Sirius turned to him. </p><p> </p><p>'How was your holiday?'</p><p> </p><p>'It was nice, mom had her sister over from the Netherlands.' </p><p> </p><p>'Still not fair that you got the tall genes from your mother, who may I remind you, comes from the land of giants.' Sirius pouted. </p><p> </p><p>'You just can't stand that your short.' Remus laughed. </p><p> </p><p>His hand unconsciously touched the scar on his nose, but Sirius noticed it. His expression shifted from being fake hurt to earnest in a matter of milliseconds. Remus was always impressed with how well Sirius was in control of his face. Probably something Sirius was taught the day he was born. </p><p> </p><p>'Did you have any big seizures this holiday?' the concern clearly audible in Sirius's voice. </p><p> </p><p>'Just one, but it took me out for just two days. So, I missed some of my aunt's visit. The new epilepsy medication helps.'  </p><p> </p><p>A happy smile appeared on Sirius's face. A warm, gut-twisting feeling appeared in his stomach. </p><p> </p><p>'How was your holiday?' </p><p> </p><p>'Well, now I know for sure that I have at least three bones.' Sirius held his plastered arm up.  </p><p> </p><p>'How were your parents?' Remus knew he had asked the wrong question the moment Sirius's face became stone. </p><p> </p><p>He hated it when Sirius did that. Completely, hated it. Remus was good at reading facial expressions, but when Sirius didn't want to be read, he couldn't be read. </p><p> </p><p>'They were like my parents.' was all he let go before he turned his attention to James and Peter. </p><p> </p><p>'Mates, I think you are forgetting that the flavour red fruit exists.'</p><p> </p><p>'No way, Chocolate is the best flavour.' And before Remus knew it, he found himself in the most intense argument about ice cream flavours that ever was. </p><p> </p><p>And so, continued the trip to Hogwarts. Arguing about useless things and talking till the sky turned dark. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I tried my best to research epilepsy, but if I said something that is untrue or harmful, please let me know! I will change it immediately.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius could not have eaten more, believe him he tried. The tiredness set in his bones as he walked the, what felt like thousand, stairs.  The beginning ceremony had gone by without much trouble. The first years seemed smaller than ever and more nervous. </p><p>Sirius remembered feelings he had about the results of his personality test. Excitement mixed with slight guilt in his stomach, because he knew the answer to get into Slytherin. <br/>He also knew those were not the ones he filled in. As a child, his parents spent hours drilling in the right answers for the questions, practising the interview till there was no other option than to be a Slytherin. <br/>Thinking about it, his parents’ kind of dug their own grave. Sirius knew what to say to not be a Slytherin. </p><p>'I can't wait to go to bed.' </p><p>The voice of Peter cut him out if his thoughts. </p><p>'Aren't we supposed to get our schedules tonight?' Pete continued. It was a question, but the way he said it made it seem he already knew the answer. </p><p>'Totally forgot about that,' Remus replied. 'I hope that they managed to process both courses in my timetable.' </p><p>'Nerd. I can't recall anyone else who chose two subjects. What was it again, English literature and advanced history?' He spoke. </p><p>'Shut up, Padfoot. You chose art, like a total Jock.' Remus answered with a sarcastic undertone. 'And I am not the only one. Lily also choose two subjects.'</p><p>'Yeah, she chose advanced Chemistry and Law. But we don't need to fight, not after such a good meal.' James joined the conversation. </p><p>They had reached the door of the Gryffindor wing. The dark wood looked old, just like the rest of the building. </p><p>The four boys entered the common room. A collection of comfortable chairs and sofas appeared into Sirius line of view as he walked to the door behind Peter. A fireplace warmed the room, and the tables, placed there for doing homework, were already filled with students speaking about their holiday. Sirius shot them a longing look as the four of them made their way up the stairs. Sirius did not feel like sleeping. </p><p>They came to a halt when they reached the door of their dorm. A curse slipped out of James his mouth. </p><p>‘Has any of you mates the key here? mine is in my suitcase.’ </p><p> </p><p>‘Mate, this our fifth year that we have to do this, have you still not learnt to take it with you.’ Remus started. </p><p>‘Not true, the first year we got the keycard during the sorting ceremony. So, we had to do this four times,’ Peter interrupted him. ‘And technically, we did not do it yet, so it’s only three times.’ </p><p>Remus rolled his eyes. </p><p>‘You know what I meant.’ </p><p>‘Do you have it with you then?’ Sirius asked playfully. A smirk played on his lips. </p><p>‘That’s not what this is about.’ Remus answered defensively. </p><p>Sirius shot a look at Peter, who turned a beautiful shade of red.</p><p>‘And this is proof, again, that I am better than all of you,’ <br/>He exclaimed while pulling his wallet out of his coat. </p><p>It was a struggled to get it out with one functioning hand. The red and gold card looked expensive under the dim lights of the hall. <br/>He held it to the scanners of the room they moved to last year. The door gave a beep as a sign of opening. Sirius stepped into their dorm. </p><p>The first three years of Hogwarts the students just shared a dorm with the fellow Gryffindors in your year. The last three years, students get a bit more freedom. That existed of an own bedroom, A small kitchen, and an own living room. </p><p>The living room consisted of a couch, a dining table with four chairs around it. A small kitchen was crammed in the left corner of the room. The only whoever used that thing was Pete, but most of the times there they just went to dine in the great hall. </p><p>There were four bedrooms, three of those rooms had windows, one was not so lucky. And so was Peter, the one who lost the battle of the bedrooms.  One the left side, the side of Peter and Remus, there were three doors. The third belonging to the ridiculously, small bathroom. Only containing a shower. The toilet was on the side of Sirius and James. </p><p>Remus walked past him. Making his way to the table where four thick envelopes were laying. Sirius took the one with his name on it. It felt heavy in his hand, the paper too expensive for a timetable. Sirius made a mental note that he could probably use it for a drawing later. Once his arm healed. </p><p>‘Do you want me to open that for you?’ Remus smiled at him. </p><p>He had stopped opening his letter to watch Sirius struggle. Sirius ignored the way stomach felt. Not he felt anything in his stomach. It was not at all warm and mushy. </p><p>‘I can do it myself, thank you.’ </p><p>After what took longer than he wanted to admit he finally managed to open the envelope. <br/>His timetable looked decent, not too many intermediate hours. On Tuesday he had football practice. </p><p>‘They managed to get both my subjects in there.’ Remus almost yelled. </p><p>‘When do you have History? I have history on Monday, the first period.’ James asked. And so, started the debate, about who had what with who. </p><p>In the end, they all had English and Math together. Sirius had Geography, with James. History with Remus. And social studies with Peter. Physics he had with James and Remus. Biology he had with Remus and Peter. Chemistry and Art, he had alone, he just hoped that Marlene was in that Chemistry class. He Already knew he would be alone in art. He was the only one of the four who choose Art for his Subjects.</p><p>Subjects were the special classes Hogwarts offered. You could pretty much choose any topic, finding the teacher was Hogwarts problem. Only the real strivers would choose two subjects. James had chosen advanced physics, and Peter had chosen chef training. </p><p>‘Well, this was fun, but I am going to bed.’ James yawned. ‘Goodnight.’ </p><p>The rest of the boy muttered their goodnight and went to their own room. </p><p>Sirius also made his way to his room. He knew he wouldn’t sleep. The first week at Hogwarts was always sleepless. The fear of his mother bursting in his room was still there. The room wasn’t too big. His bed pressed to the wall in the corner. The wall, with the window, was filled with drawings, album covers, and pictures of him and his friends. Sirius liked his room next to the hallway. It was a challenge to win it, but it was more home than is room at Grimmauld Place would ever be.</p><p>In the middle of his room was his weekend bag. Sirius decided to make use of his time and stared to put away his clothes. Once he was done, something that took shorted than he hoped, sat back on his bed. Searching for something else to keep his mind of sleeping. </p><p>He tried to draw, but he couldn’t even hold a pencil, in his plastered arm. Guitar, electric and unplugged so he wouldn’t wake anyone, sounded even worse than when he had just started. He had no piano in his room, and his violin he left at home. </p><p>Maybe time to think was something good. Sirius mind wandered back to the way his stomach felt when Remus smiled at him. That meant nothing right.  He was probably ashamed. About what happened during the holiday. But then why didn’t he feel that when he looked a James or Peter. </p><p>Did he even like boys. That was impossible, he had kissed girls. But you also kissed a boy, and you liked that better than kissing birds a small voice in the back of his mind reminded him. Oh, how good it would feel to kiss a boy again. NO! Nope, not going there. He needed a distraction. </p><p>A book, the only thing he could with a shit arm. The books in his room, he had already read, and most of them being study books, he did not have a lot of options. He opened his door, as silent as he could. The clock on his wall told him it was two a.m. He made his way to the room with the most books in their dorm, Remus his room. </p><p>He was about to knock when the thought hit him that Remus could be asleep. Then another thought popped up, the nights those two boys shared a bed. They did it often when their beds were still in the same room. But last year when they moved to this dorm it had become less frequent. Sirius missed it. The nightmares were less when Remus was next to him. Like his body knew he was safe. He couldn’t possibly be home when Remus was next to him. </p><p>Sirius body must have made the unconscious decision to knock, while he was deep in thought because Remus had appeared in front of him. The door was no longer closed. </p><p>‘Hi.’ Sirius began.<br/>‘Hi, what do you need?’ Remus's voice sounded hoarse. </p><p>‘Did I wake you up?’</p><p>‘Sort of,’ Remus said but a smile was playing around his lips. </p><p>‘Can I come in?’ </p><p>Remus nodded. </p><p> </p><p>Couldn’t sleep?’</p><p>Now it was Sirius turn to nod, as he stepped into the room. Remus went to sit on his bed, that was placed in the middle of the room. Sirius took Remus office chair. <br/>Behind the bed was a wall full of bookcases filled with books. So many Sirius couldn't even count. Remus suitcase laid open at the footboard of his bed.  <br/>‘What did you come here for?’ </p><p>‘I, eh, I kind of wanted to borrow a book?’ </p><p>Remus face lit up, a happy smile spread around his mouth, and Sirius wished Remus would laugh more. </p><p>‘One a few conditions,’ Remus said all of the sudden in full seriousness. </p><p>‘Sure.’ </p><p>‘Okay, first of you don’t break the spine.’ </p><p>‘Got it.’ </p><p>‘Second, no dog ears.’ </p><p>‘I can live with that.’ </p><p>‘No eating and drinking near the book. I’ve seen the conditions of your study books, and if that ever happens to one of mine, we can no longer be friends. So, no eating, and no drinking when you have this book near.’ </p><p>‘If that makes you happy.’</p><p>‘It does. Okay, those were most of them. What kind of book do you want?’ </p><p>‘I was kind of hoping you would choose for me.’ </p><p>The smile appeared again om Remus face, as he almost jumped up to find a book for him. Sirius had expected him to search forever for the perfect book, but the opposite turned out to be true. With an almost scary certainty, Remus picked out a white and blue one. In small letters, there was written, the song of Achilles. </p><p>‘I really love this book, and I want someone to talk about. Lily promised me to read it, but she is always quite slow with reading.’ Remus handed him the book. </p><p>Sirius's fingers stroked the cover. </p><p>‘I promise to read it quick. Quicker than Lily.’</p><p>‘Thanks.’ </p><p>Sirius nodded and made his way to the door of the room. Sirius's hand was already on the handle when Remus's voice sounded again. </p><p>‘Could you stay here? You know like we used to do. Just the two of us.’ </p><p>Sirius's mouth went dry. Not that he thought anything more of the offer than just two friends sleeping in the same bed. </p><p>‘‘Sure. I like to. I just must get into something more comfortable.' He said, looking down at his jeans, and blouse. 'I’ll be back in a minute.’  </p><p>And that was just what he did, he cannot remember a time he put on a pair of sweatpants and an old band tee quicker than this. <br/>Sirius went back as softly but as fast as he could. He settled next to Remus. The beds appeared have shrunken even more this year. </p><p>‘Goodnight, Pads.’ Remus said while he pressed himself against Sirius. </p><p>‘Goodnight, Moony.’ Sirius said as he tried and horribly failed, to get his heart rate back to normal. </p><p>He already knew the first nights back at Hogwarts he wasn’t gonna sleep. He picked up the book Remus had given him and started reading.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'I still don’t get why you have to do this at 5 in the morning.’</p><p> </p><p>Sirius stopped running, lightly panting. James, who came up to him, seemed to have no problem with the early morning run.</p><p> </p><p>‘Because it is energizing, and I know I won’t do it after school.’</p><p> </p><p>James was way too happy for any logical thinking human being to be on a Monday morning. Sirius only explanation was that James must have gone mad over the holiday.</p><p> </p><p>'Besides, you agreed to come with me.'</p><p> </p><p>Sirius made a sound that was stuck between a groan and a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>'I could have stayed in bed.' </p><p>'But you didn't. You ready to go again?'</p><p> </p><p>Sirius nodded and started to run. His body protested heavily. Between being locked up all summer and not being allowed to go outside, there was not really much time run.</p><p> </p><p>This morning before everyone was awake, Sirius had slipped away from Remus his room. He knew that James would ask him to go running together. He may be out of shape fiscally, no matter how long the summer is, he would never forget how his best friend worked.</p><p>Yet he had never dreaded asking his friend a question this much.</p><p> </p><p>After a good fifteen of running, the castle came into view again, and Sirius knew he had to do it now.</p><p> </p><p>'James?'</p><p>'Do you need a break again, weakling?'</p><p>'No, I just had a question.'</p><p> </p><p>James stopped running. He looked at him with a raised eyebrow. That look that said: Tell me, I will listen.</p><p> </p><p>'No, never mind. It was just something stupid.'</p><p>Sirius wanted to start running again, but James stopped him.</p><p> </p><p>'Please, tell me. No question is too stupid. I once asked why we don't drink pig milk. You cannot top that one.' James smiled at him, and the knot in Sirius' stomach released itself a bit.</p><p> </p><p>'You promise not to laugh?'</p><p>'Pads, just ask me the question.'</p><p> </p><p>'Yeah, alright. Here he goes.'</p><p>'Pads!'</p><p>'Alright. Did you ever. I mean, do you ever think about boys? Like in a-  in a romantic way. Like an, I maybe want to kiss them, way.</p><p>'Mate, I made out with you once. We were both drunk. There is no need to be hung up about it.'</p><p>'We did that? Wait, no. Not the point. We will come back to that one later. I mean, I think, there is a possibility that I might like boys.'</p><p> </p><p>This is it; Sirius can feel the panic in his throat. James is going to say he can't be friends with someone like him. And Sirius has to stay this room all year, because James will tell Peter, and once you tell Pete it is no longer a secret. Then he must go home, and go to that hell all over again, and-.</p><p> </p><p>'Pads?  It is okay. I support you.'</p><p>'You sure?'</p><p>'How low do you think of me. Of course, you are my best friend, and nothing’s going to change that, not even if you murder me.'</p><p> </p><p>James smiles at him, and Sirius feel a weight being lifted. He practically tackles James into a hug.</p><p> </p><p>‘Thank you.’</p><p>‘For what? Doing de bare minimum of accepting you as you are?’</p><p>‘Don’t think you can get off telling me about this kiss. You are telling me we kissed I was to black about drunk to remember it. I need answers now.’ But before James can answer, Dancing Queen starts playing.</p><p> </p><p>‘Fuck.’</p><p>Sirius takes his phone out of his pocket.</p><p> </p><p>'It's Remus. Probably calling about where we are. I thought you left a note?' Sirius starts.</p><p>'I did! I wrote “Remus and Peter we a running away from our problems. Will be back soon, greetings James and Sirius.”'<br/>
‘And where did you put you that note?’<br/>
‘I left it on my desk.’ It takes a moment before James realizes the error in his way.<br/>
‘Oh, fuck. I left it on my desk.’</p><p> </p><p>Sirius just smiles as he picks up the phone.</p><p>'You are speaking with Padfoot, the one and only. How can I help you.'</p><p>'Hey, where are you two? Pete has made breakfast.' Remus's voice sounds soft over the phone.</p><p> </p><p>'Why didn't you start with that?'</p><p> </p><p>'What is he saying?' James is leaning close to him to try and listen in.</p><p> </p><p>'Pete has made breakfast.' Sirius says while he covers the microphone with his hand. It is always a wonder to see James face light up with you when someone makes food for him. As if the poor boy doesn't get fed at home.</p><p> </p><p>'I am sorry that your attention span is one question long.' Remus speaks again.</p><p>Sirius rolls his eyes, knowing well that Remus won't see that.</p><p>'We were on a run; we will be back at the dorm in seven minutes.'</p><p>'That is an awfully specific time frame.'</p><p>'We will make it. See you in seven minutes.'</p><p>'See you in seven minutes.' </p><p> </p><p>Remus ends the phone call, and a little too long Sirius stares at the screen where Remus's name is still visible.</p><p>'Well, you said it. We have to be there in,' James looks at his watch, 'six minutes.'</p><p> </p><p>'We can do that.' Sirius smiles at James and wants to start running again when something pops-up in his head.</p><p> </p><p>'Prongs?'</p><p>'Yeah, Pads?'</p><p>'I would like it if you kept this between us.'</p><p>'No problem, mate.'</p><p> </p><p>They arrive three minutes too late. Remus checked to clock every 5 seconds to see how long till they would storm in, and he could start his breakfast.</p><p>Sirius was already gone when he woke up. The side where he had lain was already cold. And even though Remus would never admit it, he always slept better when Sirius slept next to him.</p><p>Remus just hoped everything was okay with Sirius. He was always a bit on edge when he came back from his parents, but this time he seemed even more distracted. If that was the right word. Remus couldn't put his finger on it, all he knew was something was up.</p><p> </p><p>'We are here, do not be afraid.' James stormed through the door; Sirius close behind him.</p><p>'You are three minutes late.' Pete said, without looking up from his phone.</p><p>'I see there are still waffles, so we made it on time.' Sirius justified.</p><p>'That is because we waited on you two losers.' Remus explained.</p><p>'I don't care, I am eating this delicious breakfast. Thank you for making it, Pete.' Sirius said while he stuffed the waffles in his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Peter couldn't get out a good word, since he also decided to eat his breakfast in one bite.</p><p> </p><p>'Well, I hope you had a good run. Today is gonna be a long day.'</p><p> </p><p>Sirius and James shared a look Remus didn't fully understand.</p><p> </p><p>'It was a good run. Planning on doing it again tomorrow. Care to join us?'<br/>
‘I rather die, then exercise willingly.’ Remus exclaims as he takes a bit of his breakfast.<br/>
‘Too bad, you are missing some awesome conversations.’ Sirius said, with that same stupid grin.</p><p>‘I am quite sure I am good here. With my hour extra sleep.’<br/>
‘Your loss.’ James grins back at Sirius.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first week went by too quick, like it always did. Maybe it was because in the first week there was hardly any schoolwork. The only thing they did in these lessons was listening. Some teachers talked about their vacation, some talked about the upcoming year. This time however the teachers all gave the same speech. Something like: "This is going to be a difficult year. The year of your OWLS. I expect everyone to be on their best behaviour." Not that Sirius knew for sure. He wasn’t paying attention.</p><p>McGonagall had looked at James and him a little longer than necessary when she said those words. Sirius had just smiled at her, and James had mouthed: ‘We can’t promise that.’.</p><p>It was a relaxed Sunday. The little homework they had to do had already been done Friday. Now the four of them had cramped themselves on the couch in the common room. Which had been too small for them since their second year.</p><p>Peter was sitting on the armrest. While James, Remus and Sirius had claimed the rest of the couch. Sirius had thrown his legs over the legs of Remus and James. His sketchbook positioned in his lap. Remus had brought down a book with him. James had started telling a story, and Peter seemed to be listening to it. Not that Sirius had any idea what the story was about. His drawing was way more important.</p><p>A week away from home had started to have its perks. Sirius had finally started to relax. His sleeping schedule was still utter horse shit, but at least he managed a solid three hours of sleep now. This didn’t mean that Sirius wasn’t tired, and he couldn't help suppressing a loud yawn.</p><p>‘I agree,’ Remus said as if Sirius had just made a valid point.</p><p>Sirius gave Remus a quizzical look.</p><p>‘James has indeed been talking about football for way too long.’</p><p>James dramatically grabbed his chest.</p><p> ‘There is nothing like talking about football for too long.’</p><p>‘Yes, there is.’ Peter joined in. ‘You just did it. Why are we even in the common-room? We have a perfectly good couch in our room. One we can all fit on.’</p><p>‘There is a good reason why we are here,’ James started.</p><p>‘Yeah, that reason is called Lily Evans.’ Sirius interrupted him.</p><p>‘No,’ James said, though his eyes darted to the table Lily was sitting with Mary. ‘Fawley just put the list up for the football try-outs. I love to watch the second years sign-up, thinking they have a chance.’</p><p>‘Well, I don’t. Are we eating in the hall or in our dorm?’ Peter asked.</p><p>‘I don’t know, do you feel like cooking? ‘Cus that is going to be expected of you if we eat in our dorm.’ James always knew how to put it blunt.</p><p>‘I do feel like cooking. So, I am going to get some ingredients and start dinner. Be in our dorm in an hour.’ Peter disclosed as he stood up and walked out of the common room.</p><p>‘Isn’t it wonderful that we have our own personal chef?’ James remarked as he went to take Peter’s spot on the couch.</p><p>Sirius was suddenly aware of his legs. The warmth of Remus lap and the surprising comfort of it. He tried with all his might to focus again on his drawing, not that that was any help. Remus had placed his hand on Sirius's leg.</p><p>Sirius wasn’t even sure if Remus had meant to do it. He seemed way more interested in his book than in his hand. It was also not unusual to do this kind of thing. Sirius liked holding his friends. This felt different. Not that it was different. Also, not that he was interested in Remus. Not in a way more than friends at least.</p><p>Maybe it was just because Sirius had been touched starved from this holiday. Then why was it not like that with James?</p><p>The door of the room swung open and Fawley stepped in.</p><p>‘That is my queue to leave, mates. We are gonna discuss strategies for the upcoming seasons. See you in the dorm. Sirius don’t forget that we have practice tomorrow.’</p><p>And with those words, James had left Sirius alone with Remus. Not that he minded it. They had been alone before, but it was different this time. Sirius couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It made him nervous.</p><p>‘What are you drawing?’ The voice of Remus broke the silence that had laid upon them since James had left.</p><p>Sirius who hadn’t been paying attention to the movements of his hands for the moment he had started panicking about the placement of Remus's hand looked down on his sketchbook.</p><p>‘A dog, apparently.’</p><p>‘Apparently?’</p><p>‘I wasn’t really focusing on what I was doing.’</p><p>‘So, you drew a dog?’</p><p>‘I always draw dogs when I just want to keep my hand busy.’</p><p>‘Aha, you know I think this is gonna be the year Lily is going to say yes to James.’</p><p>Sirius, startled by the sudden topic change, looked at Remus with a curious look.</p><p>‘What makes you say that? Lily has made it clear that she wasn’t interested in James. And James hasn’t asked her since.’</p><p>James had indeed not asked her since. Even though it was a joke between the Marauders that James had a huge crush on Lily, James had only asked her out twice. The first time was when they first met. James and all his teenage enthusiasm had asked her out the moment he first saw her (of course Lily had refused.). The second time was at the end of their fourth year not that long ago, and Lily had shut him down again. It was unfortunate but James had decided that she clearly wasn’t interested in him and that he should respect her decision. His exact words were: If Lily Evans changes her mind, she can ask me. I will always love her, but she won’t love me.</p><p>It had been a sad week for the marauders for James kept playing Mr loverman on repeat.</p><p>‘I just feel it in my bones. The way Lily just looks at him from time to time. I know a sucker in love when I see one.’</p><p>‘Sounds like a cheese lyric.’</p><p>‘A what?’</p><p>‘A cheese lyric. You know the kind, sappy and kinda dumb.’</p><p>‘A cheese lyric?’ Remus almost couldn’t control his laughter.</p><p>‘Putain de merde, je déteste l'anglais. Don’t laugh at me. What is it supposed to be?’</p><p>‘A cheesy lyric.’</p><p>‘See, I wasn’t so far off.’ Sirius defended himself, but Remus wouldn’t stop laughing.</p><p>‘How old were you when you learned English?’ Sirius asked Remus in an attempt to distract him from his fit of laughter.</p><p>‘I don’t know around when babies are supposed to talk. Though I was learning Welsh before I learned proper English.’</p><p>‘That is still an advantage. I learned English when I was five. Around the times the Nany’s started to homeschool me and Reg. Mother and Father never spoke English around us.’ Sirius defended himself</p><p>‘That is still Eleven years of English. So don’t act so high and mighty.’ Remus brought in.</p><p>‘Tu es une personne agaçante’</p><p>‘En jij bent een vervelend klein mannetje. Come, dinner will be done soon.’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The song mentioned is Mr loverman by Ricky Montgomery</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was three weeks later when Sirius finally gave in.</p><p> </p><p>Sirius: <em>‘What did you say to me?’ <br/><br/></em></p><p>Remus: <em>‘</em><em>Are you just going to assume I know what you are talking about. Or do I get an explanation?’</em></p><p>Remus: <em>‘</em><em>Also, you know that it is like 2:30?’</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Sirius: <em>‘Phs, it is 2:24.’</em></p><p>Sirius: <em>‘Don’t overreact.’<br/></em>Sirius: <em>‘Couldn’t sleep, heard you were getting tea’<br/></em>Sirius: <em>´You know that convo we had about cheese lyric?’</em></p><p>Sirius: <em>‘And I said something in French and u replied in German or something.’ </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Remus: <em>‘Dutch*’ </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Sirius: <em>‘Same, same, but different, but still the same.’ <br/></em>Sirius: <em>‘But that doesn’t matter. I wanna know what you said.’ </em></p><p>Sirius: <em>‘Did I offend you?’</em></p><p>Sirius: <em>‘Remus? <br/></em>Sirius: ‘<em>Moony?’</em></p><p>Sirius: <em>‘Moony, come back!!´</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>After a few more seconds of this and still not getting a response Sirius had given up the hope of ever getting one. Remus must have fallen asleep. Maybe Sirius should try again. But his plaster itched. It drove him nuts. <br/>He had just made himself comfortable under his blankets when a soft knock sounded. Sirius would never admit it, but his heart made a little flutter.</p><p> </p><p>‘What took you so long?’ Sirius asked before he had even fully opened the door. <br/>‘I got you some tea, but I suppose you are not getting that, based on that attitude.’ Remus answered as he pushed himself through the door. He had indeed two steaming mugs of tea in his hands. ‘Jesus, how did you manage to make such a big mess, we have only been here for a month.’</p><p>‘Honestly, a lot of it is still from last year. What kind of tea did you bring?’</p><p>‘You know, a normal person would just say thank you.’</p><p>‘Well, thank God I am not a normal person.’</p><p> </p><p>Remus rolled his eyes, but still handed him the cup.</p><p>‘Thank you.’</p><p>‘Good job. See that wasn’t so hard, was it?’</p><p>‘You don’t know how much effort that took me.’<br/><br/></p><p>Remus just smiled, as he let himself fall onto Sirius bed. Sirius stared a little bit longer than he had to. And it was not because a little piece of Remus stomach was showing. Sirius felt his cheeks flash hot and forced himself onto another task. Something to keep his mind of Remus.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Remus did not know what inside of him had decided to come over to Sirius room, but here he was. He even had brought tea with him. Of course, some part knew what it was. It was that flutter he got every time he even thought about Sirius. That same flutter had let to him making an extra cup of tea at three in the morning. The same flutter he had when he saw Sirius in his pajamas. The same flatter when he saw Sirius hair in a bun. That same fucking flutter that just wouldn’t stop. No mater how hard Remus tried to ignore it.<br/>His hearth did it again. This time because Sirius smiled at him, threw his EarPods at him, and then his phone.</p><p> </p><p>‘Play some music, will you? You know my code? It is 2312.’</p><p>Remus happily expected the phone. He put in the only EarPod left in the case and scrolled through Sirius Spotify.</p><p>‘You have Spotify premium? Mate, your parents much be filthy rich.’</p><p>‘They don’t know I have it, I just stole my father’s credit card info.’</p><p>Remus continued to scroll. Naming the artist in Sirius Library.</p><p>‘Queen, of course. Some ABBA. I am honestly not surprised.’</p><p>‘Ay, that one is Prongs.’</p><p>‘Sure. Some Beatles. Jeez, your Spotify looks like it belongs to a girl who claims she really loves that old and underground music.’ <br/>Sirius just laughed.</p><p>That same fucking flutter.</p><p> </p><p>‘We are getting to the good stuff. Ben Platt, amazing.’</p><p>‘Lily recommended that one.’</p><p>‘As she should. His voice is incredible. Have you given it a go?’</p><p>‘Not yet. I will, one day. Probably.’</p><p>‘Good, here it is. Knew you would have some of this.’</p><p> </p><p>Remus pressed the button and the deep and dramatic intro of Achilles come down started playing.</p><p>Sirius gave him a nod of appreciation, as he turned back to his desk. Beneath a pile of rubbish Sirius managed to find a few paint brushes and some paint.</p><p>Remus just noticed the halve finished piece on the easel in the corner of the room. It was a beautiful Stag, between his antlers was a rat, next to the stag stood a big wolf. On the other side in faint sketch lines was a dog visible. Sirius put some brown paint on his cast and stared mixing it with some white.</p><p>Remus stared in awe, a mix of wonder and confusion. He wondered what in his friends’ brain had made him think it was a smart idea to mix the paint directly on the cast. <br/>Of course, Remus had noticed that Sirius plaster was smothered in paint, but he had just assumed that Sirius was a very messy painter.</p><p> </p><p>‘Did you know that brains of people with epilepsy react different to music than the brains of people without it. It is called the Mozart effect.’ Remus was taken back by this comment. Still surprised by his friend’s genius or maybe stupidity.</p><p>‘I did not know that.’ Remus answered when he had processed what Sirius had said.</p><p>‘It is true, I did some research on it. I can show you the article. It is in my notes app. The is the one with the little moon.’</p><p>Again, that flutter. Only because Sirius did research. Remus hated his body.</p><p> </p><p>Remus again unlocked Sirius phone this time with the intent to search trough Sirius notes app. The darkest place of a person’s phone, almost as dark as the search history. Though that one could be deleted.</p><p>But to Remus surprise, or was it disappointment, all Sirius notes where locked and the tittles where not saying much. Each one another emoticon. It took a while before Remus found the one note he was looking for. He wondered how Sirius managed to remember every single one of these passwords. Remus shouldn’t be amazed; Sirius school grades should have been proof enough that Sirius was pretty good at remembering stuff.</p><p> </p><p>‘What is the password?’</p><p>‘Myfriendisawsome. All lowercase and written as one word.’</p><p> </p><p>It indeed opened the note, and Remus pretend he was not a little bit sad that it had been my Friend is awesome. Not something like: “I really like moony and I wanna kiss him.”. Oh gods, is that what Remus wanted? No, it was just a flutter, and it is gonna stay a flutter. Remus reverted back to his favorite tactic and ignored. He would work this out later. Or even better, never.</p><p> </p><p>The note was remarkably neat for Sirius. He had even organized the links with subheadings, ranging from Epilepsy, the basics, to Medication and their side effects. <br/>Remus found the link under cool things about people with Epilepsy. He copied it and sent it to his own phone. <br/><br/></p><p>A few more minutes he tried to make sense of these emoticon titles. When he really could not think of what bacteria, leaves and a party popper meant, he focused his attention back to Sirius. The dog had been filled in with black, while the wolf had gotten some more grey details.</p><p> </p><p>‘I thought you were right-handed.’ Remus had not meant for this comment to escape his thought, but it had.</p><p>‘Oh, yeah, I am, sort of.’ Sirius replied in his vague manner.</p><p>‘What do you mean sort of?’</p><p>‘I am left-handed, I have just written right. You know.’</p><p>‘I don’t know?’</p><p>‘The whole thing that writing with left is bad, and all that crap. So, I was forced to learn and write with right. I just started trying to write with left for the first time. I must tell you; it is so much easier to write with left.’</p><p>‘You know that it is not normal anymore to be forced to write with your right hand. At least not here in in England.’</p><p>Remus knew he shouldn’t had said that. It could have been his window into finding more about Sirius homelife. Instead, he tried to remind him that it wasn’t normal what happened.</p><p>In these situations, Sirius did what he did best. His face went cold, and Remus knew the topic was done for.</p><p>At least he had learned one thing, though Sirius was a master in controlling his expressions, his body language was another thing. Sirius had dropped his right hand as soon as he could. Which had been softly petting the knuckles on his left hand. Remus had always wondered how Sirius got those little scars there. Now he knew.</p><p> </p><p>‘I said you are an annoying little man.’</p><p>Sirius looked at him with confusion.</p><p>‘That conversation we had, about the cheese lyric. I said: you are an annoying little man.’</p><p>‘Wait, that actually make sense with what I said. In French. Before you.’</p><p>Remus heart fluttered again when saw the smile reappear on the black-haired boys face.</p><p>‘I heard you say person, so I just sort of assumed. I was lucky that one of the few phrases my aunt taught me fitted there.’ Remus shrugged trying to sound casually. He had been dying to use that phrase.</p><p>‘You are so smart. You know that?’</p><p> </p><p>Remus heart fluttered, again. One day he was going to have to deal with this. If he wanted to or not.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Take a shot everytime I write fluttered. (Don't you will die)</p><p>The song I mentioned is Achilles come down, by Gang of Youth</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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